Wherefore Art Thou, Wedding Ring?

As the title implies, I have lost my wedding ring. My wife and I have spent the last 2 days tearing apart the house in search of it, but so far no luck. It's incredibly upsetting to me on two fronts. First, and most obvious, is the fact that I have lost my wedding ring. Setting aside its importance as a symbol of my lifelong commitment to my spouse, the ring itself is also a cherished possession and an item filled with positive memories. I remember flipping through wedding magazines with Erika looking at rings. I remember debating platinum or gold or white gold. I remember how heavy it felt when I first put it on, and how, like most guys I think, I used to go around tapping it on things and fidgeting with it until I got used to wearing it.

So losing it for those reasons is upsetting. What's worse, though, is that it reminds me of the fact that I have serious, serious, issues when it comes to forgetfulness. I'm like Dory from Finding Nemo. I suffer from Short-Term Memory Loss, forgetting things almost instantly. I think. Hmmmm..

Seriously though, as far back as I can remember I have had issues with forgetfulness. Just stupid things like holding something in my hands, putting it down, and then not being able to remember where I put it. Or thinking "I really need to do such and such," and then I spend 5 seconds doing something else and then can't remember the such and such I was going to do. It's not memory related, I don't think, because I can remember a lot of things, including the lyrics to roughly 46.5% of the songs ever sung. I remember Max Mauren's telephone number from when I was a kid living on 27th street and Max's house was right behind mine. I remember our old telephone number at that house, even though I haven't lived there in 20 years and that number no longer belongs to my parents.

And yet yesterday I pulled into my driveway, parked in the garage, got out of my car and started walking inside. Then I chuckled at myself because I realized I had forgotten my car keys. So I opened the car door, reached inside, and then chuckled again because I also forgot to turn the car off. No joke. It's like I get distracted or something. Actually, it's more like there are certain actions I take on a daily basis that require no thought whatsoever, and because they require no thought they simply don't register with me on any level and then I can't remember what I was doing or thinking, etc.

Case in point: my wedding ring. I literally have no memory at all of taking it off. None. And yet obviously I did because it's not on my finger. And so all I can do is try to think about why or where I might have taken it off and what I might have done with it. I usually take off my ring at home when I wash my hands. Monday night I also hand-washed some kitchen knives and it's likely I would have taken my ring off for that activity.
When I do take off my ring, most times I just stick it on the counter. Sometimes, though, I will put it in my pocket.

After a thorough search, I can verify that the ring is not on any counter. So I check my pajama pants. Not there. Of course, if it was in my pants it could have potentially fallen out. So now we are scouring the floors and under furniture and checking all the places I sat. Nothing. Did it fall down a drain? Who knows?

Like I said, it is frustrating because I have no memory at all of taking it off. Because of that, everything is possible. At work, sometimes I take off my ring when I wash my hands after using the latrine. So did I lose it at work? Maybe. Did I lose it at home? Maybe.

Did I lose it? Yes, that's for sure.

Turning a corner

For the past several weeks, maybe even months, I have been overwhelmed by feelings of negativity. I feel like life has really been a battle this year, and that battle has managed, over time, to bring me down a bit. My dad passed away in February so that sucked. Then my son was born, and even though this was a joyous event, and even though I love the little guy to death, life with a newborn is just a challenge. Lots of sleepless nights and crying and acid reflux, combined with a 2-year old and typical toddler behavior, combined with work stress and swine flu and economic collapse and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, the point is I have been in a funk.

This week, though, I feel like I am turning a corner. Samuel has been sleeping through the night and that has been such a tremendous blessing. At the same time, Emelia has gotten through potty training and that is a milestone. At the same time we have a vacation coming up after last year's trip got blown out by Hurricane Ike (I think God knew I would need a vacation more this year than last. I think He's right...but then again, isn't He always?). And so all these factors are coming together is a way that makes me feel like perhaps the roughest stretch is behind me, and maybe...MAYBE...there are sunnier skies ahead.

And you know what? It's good to just feel good again. I realized after chatting a bit with my wife that happiness is as much about choice as it is about circumstances. For the most part, I have chosen to focus on the positive and ignore the negative throughout my adult life. After all, life is always filled with trials. For some reason, though, I have been doing the opposite lately. I think it's because the negative has been so "overwhelming" lately. It's been difficult not to notice it. Or perhaps the older you get the more the negative starts to pile up in your rearview mirror. I don't know.

What I do know is that, if I can, and if God will help, I am going to choose to be happy as best I can moving forward. I feel good just for thinking this way - especially with the new year approaching. 

Mission accomplished

Erika called today with thrilling news (thrilling is even more exciting than exciting...inside joke). Emelia went poo-poo and pee-pee in the potty all by herself! By "all by herself," I mean that she went into the bathroom all by herself without telling anyone, got her pants down, and did the deed. So after a somewhat rocky road, I am ready to declare Emelia potty-trained.

For the parents, this is great news because we have our Beaches vacation coming up and Emelia needed to be potty-trained to participate in the day care activities. So from a deadline perspective this is a major relief (pun intended). Aside from that, though, it's also a significant milestone in her life and ours, and one that sort of jumped up and hit me on the head today. My little girl is growing up.

Ever since Samuel's birth, I sort of feel like Emelia got pushed to the back burner. Not because I love her less, or think differently of her, but simply because a newborn is a LOT of work (A LOT, LOT, LOT OF WORK!!!), and that work has taken away from the "work" of raising a todler. Even though I have worked hard at being the same "daddy" to Emelia, I know in my heart that I have been tired and cranky and distracted and not giving her the attention that she deserves.

Our potty-training efforts, though, have sort of brought her back into the forefront, and I am struck today by the fact the she is almost 3 and that she is getting to be such a big girl. It's funny because with newborns, so much happens from 0-12 months. First they sleep and eat and potty; then they sleep less and cry more; then they smile and roll over and warm your heart; next thing they are crawling and eating solids and sleeping through the night; next minute they are babbling and laughing and standing up, etc. Now that Emelia is 2, though, the changes associated with her growing up are not as dramatic. It's perhaps easier to take the days for granted.

Like I said, though, the potty-training does give me pause today. Reminds me how much I love her. Hopefully she won't grow up too quick!

Best Mt. Dew moment of all time

So speaking of laughing a bit, I want to save forever a classic "kids do the darndest things/Mt. Dew" moment before I forget it. This is an awesome story. I can't wait to tell it!

OK--so Erika and I were invited to a "customer appreciation day" by her cousin Jimmy who owns an automotive shop in Council Bluffs. The Council is on the other side of the river from ho-hum-o-ha (Omaha for my slow friends) so it was quite the trek for us to get there. Nothing like a L.A. trek, but a good 25 minutes which is a big deal for this town. I digress.

So we get to the party and Erika's aunt and her kids, etc. are all there. As always, there is plenty of good eats available and we are all seated at a picnic table next to a garage where the food is being served. Shortly after we all finish eating, a little girl - who had been playing with Emelia and is the daughter of a family acquaintance - grabs a 32-oz. bottle of Mt. Dew that someone had brought with them to the party. No one noticed her grab the bottle and walk away, but as she twisted off the cap someone spotted her and said "no, no, no!" in that "cutesy" voice that we use with toddlers.

The mom, upon seeing her youngster with the Mt. Dew bottle, scolded her to put it down, said "no!" and began walking towards her. What happened next shall forever be known as "awesomeness." For literally two seconds that felt like 20, I watched this girl and could see the wheels in her head turning. Realizing that her mom was coming her way and time was short, she proceeded to finish twisting off the cap and - LITERALLY - wrapped her lips around the bottle and turned it upside-down, cocking her head back to swallow as much of the delicious caffeinated nector as possible before mom got there to cut her off. I swear to the good Lord I have NEVER seen a kid so young down Mt. Dew like that. It was totally stinkin' awesome!

As a human being, your natural instinct in that moment is to fall to the ground laughing and wet your pants. It was so, so funny. As a parent, though, I forced myself to look away and pushed the laugh back down into my gut until it hurt. Obviously you don't want a defiant kid to think that her defiance is funny, lest it encourage future defiance. Still, though, I had to admit it was funny. Those agonizing seconds as the child processed the situation and calculated her next move and then quickly and innocently disobeyed and guzzled that Mt. Dew as fast as she could. It was classic! Good times.

Time to Start Again

Today I have decided to start this blog again. Not because of any sort of devine revelation and not because I have free time to kill. Instead, I am starting it because I need the outlet, and I need to shake things up a bit right now. Life is pretty much crazy with work and potty-training a 2.5 year-old and sleep training a 5-month old. It's stressful, but I'd like to be able to laugh at it all along the way, and hopefully this blog can be a source.

So here's to a new beginning!

Blue and the Flu

For the first time in a long time, I find myself in complete agreement with Bono and U2 - it IS a beautiful day! The reason? The donkeys are back, baby! For those who still don't get it, I will dumb it back down to the normal 6th grade level (ha ha). Since I first voted in college until today I have voted Democrat. I do consider myself a Democrat, although I would categorize myself as "center - leaning left."

Believe it or not, I actually sort of liked Bush when he was first campaigning against Gore and was tempted to vote for him. I didn't, thank goodness, but I considered it. The reason, of course, was that he ran his campaign at the time on a "center - leaning right" platform that resonated just fine with me. But after he was elected and into his second term, the President and this country has been slowly but surely moving farther and farther right. To the point where I really wasn't recognizing this country anymore. And I wasn't alone. When people outside America pick Bush as a greater threat to world peace and stability then Kim Jong CrazyPants, then something definitely went wrong somewhere.

So today I am glad because the Democrats have regained control of Congress and finally the "sleeping Giant" has awoken. The Legislative branch of our government has a real responsibility to act as a check and balance against the Executive Branch, but it has been asleep at the wheel for far too long, rubber stamping everything and anything. The American people have had enough of it and I am glad. It's nice to see the Blues back in power. Hopefully the Reds get pushed back a bit.

In other news, today Erika and I are getting flu shots at my office. I DREAD shots and needles and blood and anything that even closely resembles it. As such, I have already pushed my deodorant past its breaking point today. What's funny is - like flying for me - the anxiety associated with getting a shot is actually MUCH worse then the shot itself. I have been trying to help myself today by staying busy and reminding myself that the whole experience will be about 3 minutes long. Sure, confronting the needle will not be fun, but I know it will be over faster then it takes for me to get all riled up. The good news, too, is we are getting the shots at my work so I have extra incentive to not be such a complete wuss. I'll play it cool and then go outside and faint I am sure.

Wish me luck, and GO DEMOCRATS!

Why I love and hate Halloween

Today is Halloween and I have no plans. My wife and I own a house in a cul de sac that is both incredibly dark and very much off the beaten path. As such, we don't get any trick-or-treaters. What's more, we don't know many people still in St. Louis and so we don't go to Halloween parties and we don't go out to the bars, etc. As such, we don't really get anything out of Halloween.

In some respects this is a good thing because I don't personally love Halloween. Growing up, I never had a cool costume. In fact, from roughly first through eighth grade, I was told to go grab old clothes out of the attic and go to school dressed as a hobo. So while other kids had cool He-Man costumes or Superman or whatever, I was a kid wearing old clothes that were too big for me. I actually still remember going to school as a hobo one year only to have the pin holding my pants up pop. I had to spend the rest of the day holding up these huge size 32 pants on my size 10 frame. This was about 3rd grade I think. So Halloween has never been good for me and I am fine with that.

At the same time, though, Halloween has progressed into quite an interesting holiday for men with regard to women. It seems that the best way to make "old" costumes new again is to put the word "naughty" in front of everything, use less clothing material, and add in thigh high stockings. So now instead of being "Dorothy" from the Wizard of Oz, you get the "Naughty Dorothy" with a half-inch skirt, white stockings, and a white shirt with 2 buttons. Instead of a witch you get a naughty witch, etc.

Now, before I get accused of being a pig, let me say if you are a woman and are offended by this, then I am on your side. It does seem offensive, especially in the 21st Century. At the same time, though....DAMN! It's like every 15-year-old fantasy I have ever had is suddenly on parade. I mean, at what other time could you go to a bar and see a catholic school girl, naughty nurse, red-hot cop, etc. all in one room ON PURPOSE??? If only someone would be smart enough to invent the "naughty Princess Lea" costume from Star Wars!

So Halloween is still not great, but it's gaining ground. Candy for the stomach was already a pretty strong case. But now eye candy as well! Definitely it's gaining ground.

I bleed red and blue

I would imagine most people are surprised and perhaps even saddened to find nary a post to date about the amazing World Series run and eventual championship put on the board by the Cardinals. My apologies. I have been too busy watching to put into words my thoughts and feelings on this blog.

I suppose I should start off by saying I am a big-time sports nut, and since moving to St. Louis in 2003 I have fallen in love with the baseball Cardinals. To St. Louisans, the Cardinals ARE St. Louis- the team is ingrained into the fiber of this fair city. You really are not a true citizen of St. Louis unless you root for the Cards. So it's easy to fall in love with the Cardinals here. I didn't need much prodding.

With that said, I will admit that it is difficult for me to write about what the last month has been like for me. How do you describe to someone the feeling that comes with investing so much time and energy into something, and then to have that time and energy rewarded in the most gut-wrenchingly wonderful way imaginable? Normally, you "root, root, root" for the home team to the tune of 162 games, only to have your rooting thwarted by some other team and its fans who advance to the post-season. But for St. Louis, our team actually made it into the playoffs, so the rooting continued.

From day 1 the Cardinals were considered the worst team in the playoffs. Most of the experts figured we would be lucky to win one game against the Padres in the first round. With those expectations in mind, I cheered as we won the first 2 in San Diego. And when my buddy and I went to game 4 here in St. Louis, we went crazy as the Cards sealed the deal and took the series to advance to the NLCS.

Against the Mets, though, we were again told by the experts that we hadn't a prayer. The Mets line-up was too powerful, and our pitching wasn't that great. What's worse, we had just pitched Carpenter in the last game of the NLDS so our rotation couldn't line up as we would have hoped. And yet, as game 1 approached, you could feel something magical brewing in St. Louis. After 2 years in which our team won 100+ games during the regular season and we were expected to compete for and perhaps win the World Series only to fail both times, this 2006 team was the underdog. And the moniker and low expectations suited us just fine.

I was there for games 3-5 in St. Louis. I watched as Suppan shut down the Mets in game 3, as Reyes got torched and we lost game 4, and as the "Dream" Weaver lifted the team back up in game 5. Watching game 7 at home - one of the two greatest games I have ever seen (the other being game 6 of the 2002 World Series between the Angels and the Giants) - and seeing Rolen's homerun brought back by Endy Chavez and then Molina hitting his blast in the 9th....it was unreal. And then for Wainwright to strike out Cardinals killer Carlos Beltran...man, the goose bumps are out just typing it.

And then finally the World Series and the epic ride to the championship. All along, as a fan, I am pouring my heart and soul and energy and passion and TIME into this team. I am going with friends to the home games, and watching the away games on the big screen at home; I am wearing my red stocking cap and gloves in the house because I think they are lucky (and they are, for the record); I am watching post-game press conferences; I am having a hard time concentrating at work; and I am fighting those "negative" demons after every loss.

And then to have all that work itself out in the most positive way possible; for all that energy to be rewarded with a World Series championship! Again, it is almost too much to describe.

So I apologize because I probably could have written more at the time, and it probably would have been better, but it was difficult to describe and in some ways still is. Bottom line is I will be happy until at least April 1 and the start of the 2007 season!

Another one enters the world

Our good friends Phil and April welcomed their new baby boy to the world yesterday. She was a bit overdue and the baby was so big they had to schedule a c-section. But everything turned out OK and mom and dad and baby are fine. We saw them last night at the hospital and got our first look at what life has in store for us, God willing, in a few months. From a practical standpoint, it sounds like their experience at the hospital was good, which is good news for us since we will be using the same hospital. Sounds like nurses are friendly and the experience good. Was also nice to see that birth can and does, in fact, happen, even to friends of ours! From all the videos we have seen I can sometimes feel like babies are something that happens to other people. But all went well with our friends and that is a comfort.

Also was a good reminder for me that my wife is actually pregnant and we, too, have a baby coming. I've been terribly distracted by life lately thanks to the Cardinals and their run through the MLB post-season. I am one of those fans who paints his face red and tried to go to or watch every single second of the game. I suppose that's not too bad, but I am also one of those fans who reads and posts on message boards during the series; one of those fans who skips out of church functions to go to a game; one of those fans who can get melancholy after a loss and be tough to be around; one of those fans who screams at the TV and yells at the manager for making a mistake.

I know it's weird for my wife who likely is very much used to the husband who is even-keel and middle-of-the-road on most things. "Spilled coffee on the rug? Oh well." "Burned the house down? That stinks." "Isringhausen blew a save in the 9th? I will KILL HIM!" What can I say? A friend of my sister taught me a valuable life lesson when I was about 20. She said "everything in moderation - including moderation." And so I am pretty moderate in everything, but I do go crazy about sports. Better that then drugs or pornography I guess.

Having said that, though, I do realize that I have been an absent husband, to say the least, lately, and so I realize I need to do something nice for my wife and remind her that I do still love her and care about her and care about her pregnancy, etc. I'll see what my creative mind can come up with.