The Moc's Page

Wherefore Art Thou, Wedding Ring?

2009-10-29T11:11:00.002-05:00

As the title implies, I have lost my wedding ring. My wife and I have spent the last 2 days tearing apart the house in search of it, but so far no luck. It's incredibly upsetting to me on two fronts. First, and most obvious, is the fact that I have lost my wedding ring. Setting aside its importance as a symbol of my lifelong commitment to my spouse, the ring itself is also a cherished possession and an item filled with positive memories. I remember flipping through wedding magazines with Erika looking at rings. I remember debating platinum or gold or white gold. I remember how heavy it felt when I first put it on, and how, like most guys I think, I used to go around tapping it on things and fidgeting with it until I got used to wearing it.

So losing it for those reasons is upsetting. What's worse, though, is that it reminds me of the fact that I have serious, serious, issues when it comes to forgetfulness. I'm like Dory from Finding Nemo. I suffer from Short-Term Memory Loss, forgetting things almost instantly. I think. Hmmmm..

Seriously though, as far back as I can remember I have had issues with forgetfulness. Just stupid things like holding something in my hands, putting it down, and then not being able to remember where I put it. Or thinking "I really need to do such and such," and then I spend 5 seconds doing something else and then can't remember the such and such I was going to do. It's not memory related, I don't think, because I can remember a lot of things, including the lyrics to roughly 46.5% of the songs ever sung. I remember Max Mauren's telephone number from when I was a kid living on 27th street and Max's house was right behind mine. I remember our old telephone number at that house, even though I haven't lived there in 20 years and that number no longer belongs to my parents.

And yet yesterday I pulled into my driveway, parked in the garage, got out of my car and started walking inside. Then I chuckled at myself because I realized I had forgotten my car keys. So I opened the car door, reached inside, and then chuckled again because I also forgot to turn the car off. No joke. It's like I get distracted or something. Actually, it's more like there are certain actions I take on a daily basis that require no thought whatsoever, and because they require no thought they simply don't register with me on any level and then I can't remember what I was doing or thinking, etc.

Case in point: my wedding ring. I literally have no memory at all of taking it off. None. And yet obviously I did because it's not on my finger. And so all I can do is try to think about why or where I might have taken it off and what I might have done with it. I usually take off my ring at home when I wash my hands. Monday night I also hand-washed some kitchen knives and it's likely I would have taken my ring off for that activity.
When I do take off my ring, most times I just stick it on the counter. Sometimes, though, I will put it in my pocket.

After a thorough search, I can verify that the ring is not on any counter. So I check my pajama pants. Not there. Of course, if it was in my pants it could have potentially fallen out. So now we are scouring the floors and under furniture and checking all the places I sat. Nothing. Did it fall down a drain? Who knows?

Like I said, it is frustrating because I have no memory at all of taking it off. Because of that, everything is possible. At work, sometimes I take off my ring when I wash my hands after using the latrine. So did I lose it at work? Maybe. Did I lose it at home? Maybe.

Did I lose it? Yes, that's for sure.

Turning a corner

2009-10-27T17:00:00.000-05:00

For the past several weeks, maybe even months, I have been overwhelmed by feelings of negativity. I feel like life has really been a battle this year, and that battle has managed, over time, to bring me down a bit. My dad passed away in February so that sucked. Then my son was born, and even though this was a joyous event, and even though I love the little guy to death, life with a newborn is just a challenge. Lots of sleepless nights and crying and acid reflux, combined with a 2-year old and typical toddler behavior, combined with work stress and swine flu and economic collapse and blah, blah, blah. Anyway, the point is I have been in a funk.

This week, though, I feel like I am turning a corner. Samuel has been sleeping through the night and that has been such a tremendous blessing. At the same time, Emelia has gotten through potty training and that is a milestone. At the same time we have a vacation coming up after last year's trip got blown out by Hurricane Ike (I think God knew I would need a vacation more this year than last. I think He's right...but then again, isn't He always?). And so all these factors are coming together is a way that makes me feel like perhaps the roughest stretch is behind me, and maybe...MAYBE...there are sunnier skies ahead.

And you know what? It's good to just feel good again. I realized after chatting a bit with my wife that happiness is as much about choice as it is about circumstances. For the most part, I have chosen to focus on the positive and ignore the negative throughout my adult life. After all, life is always filled with trials. For some reason, though, I have been doing the opposite lately. I think it's because the negative has been so "overwhelming" lately. It's been difficult not to notice it. Or perhaps the older you get the more the negative starts to pile up in your rearview mirror. I don't know.

What I do know is that, if I can, and if God will help, I am going to choose to be happy as best I can moving forward. I feel good just for thinking this way - especially with the new year approaching.

Mission accomplished

2009-10-26T16:58:00.000-05:00

Erika called today with thrilling news (thrilling is even more exciting than exciting...inside joke). Emelia went poo-poo and pee-pee in the potty all by herself! By "all by herself," I mean that she went into the bathroom all by herself without telling anyone, got her pants down, and did the deed. So after a somewhat rocky road, I am ready to declare Emelia potty-trained.

For the parents, this is great news because we have our Beaches vacation coming up and Emelia needed to be potty-trained to participate in the day care activities. So from a deadline perspective this is a major relief (pun intended). Aside from that, though, it's also a significant milestone in her life and ours, and one that sort of jumped up and hit me on the head today. My little girl is growing up.

Ever since Samuel's birth, I sort of feel like Emelia got pushed to the back burner. Not because I love her less, or think differently of her, but simply because a newborn is a LOT of work (A LOT, LOT, LOT OF WORK!!!), and that work has taken away from the "work" of raising a todler. Even though I have worked hard at being the same "daddy" to Emelia, I know in my heart that I have been tired and cranky and distracted and not giving her the attention that she deserves.

Our potty-training efforts, though, have sort of brought her back into the forefront, and I am struck today by the fact the she is almost 3 and that she is getting to be such a big girl. It's funny because with newborns, so much happens from 0-12 months. First they sleep and eat and potty; then they sleep less and cry more; then they smile and roll over and warm your heart; next thing they are crawling and eating solids and sleeping through the night; next minute they are babbling and laughing and standing up, etc. Now that Emelia is 2, though, the changes associated with her growing up are not as dramatic. It's perhaps easier to take the days for granted.

Like I said, though, the potty-training does give me pause today. Reminds me how much I love her. Hopefully she won't grow up too quick!

Best Mt. Dew moment of all time

2009-10-16T21:13:00.001-05:00

So speaking of laughing a bit, I want to save forever a classic "kids do the darndest things/Mt. Dew" moment before I forget it. This is an awesome story. I can't wait to tell it!

OK--so Erika and I were invited to a "customer appreciation day" by her cousin Jimmy who owns an automotive shop in Council Bluffs. The Council is on the other side of the river from ho-hum-o-ha (Omaha for my slow friends) so it was quite the trek for us to get there. Nothing like a L.A. trek, but a good 25 minutes which is a big deal for this town. I digress.

So we get to the party and Erika's aunt and her kids, etc. are all there. As always, there is plenty of good eats available and we are all seated at a picnic table next to a garage where the food is being served. Shortly after we all finish eating, a little girl - who had been playing with Emelia and is the daughter of a family acquaintance - grabs a 32-oz. bottle of Mt. Dew that someone had brought with them to the party. No one noticed her grab the bottle and walk away, but as she twisted off the cap someone spotted her and said "no, no, no!" in that "cutesy" voice that we use with toddlers.

The mom, upon seeing her youngster with the Mt. Dew bottle, scolded her to put it down, said "no!" and began walking towards her. What happened next shall forever be known as "awesomeness." For literally two seconds that felt like 20, I watched this girl and could see the wheels in her head turning. Realizing that her mom was coming her way and time was short, she proceeded to finish twisting off the cap and - LITERALLY - wrapped her lips around the bottle and turned it upside-down, cocking her head back to swallow as much of the delicious caffeinated nector as possible before mom got there to cut her off. I swear to the good Lord I have NEVER seen a kid so young down Mt. Dew like that. It was totally stinkin' awesome!

As a human being, your natural instinct in that moment is to fall to the ground laughing and wet your pants. It was so, so funny. As a parent, though, I forced myself to look away and pushed the laugh back down into my gut until it hurt. Obviously you don't want a defiant kid to think that her defiance is funny, lest it encourage future defiance. Still, though, I had to admit it was funny. Those agonizing seconds as the child processed the situation and calculated her next move and then quickly and innocently disobeyed and guzzled that Mt. Dew as fast as she could. It was classic! Good times.

Time to Start Again

2009-10-16T12:45:00.000-05:00

Today I have decided to start this blog again. Not because of any sort of devine revelation and not because I have free time to kill. Instead, I am starting it because I need the outlet, and I need to shake things up a bit right now. Life is pretty much crazy with work and potty-training a 2.5 year-old and sleep training a 5-month old. It's stressful, but I'd like to be able to laugh at it all along the way, and hopefully this blog can be a source.

So here's to a new beginning!

Blue and the Flu

2006-11-09T12:48:00.000-06:00

For the first time in a long time, I find myself in complete agreement with Bono and U2 - it IS a beautiful day! The reason? The donkeys are back, baby! For those who still don't get it, I will dumb it back down to the normal 6th grade level (ha ha). Since I first voted in college until today I have voted Democrat. I do consider myself a Democrat, although I would categorize myself as "center - leaning left."

Believe it or not, I actually sort of liked Bush when he was first campaigning against Gore and was tempted to vote for him. I didn't, thank goodness, but I considered it. The reason, of course, was that he ran his campaign at the time on a "center - leaning right" platform that resonated just fine with me. But after he was elected and into his second term, the President and this country has been slowly but surely moving farther and farther right. To the point where I really wasn't recognizing this country anymore. And I wasn't alone. When people outside America pick Bush as a greater threat to world peace and stability then Kim Jong CrazyPants, then something definitely went wrong somewhere.

So today I am glad because the Democrats have regained control of Congress and finally the "sleeping Giant" has awoken. The Legislative branch of our government has a real responsibility to act as a check and balance against the Executive Branch, but it has been asleep at the wheel for far too long, rubber stamping everything and anything. The American people have had enough of it and I am glad. It's nice to see the Blues back in power. Hopefully the Reds get pushed back a bit.

In other news, today Erika and I are getting flu shots at my office. I DREAD shots and needles and blood and anything that even closely resembles it. As such, I have already pushed my deodorant past its breaking point today. What's funny is - like flying for me - the anxiety associated with getting a shot is actually MUCH worse then the shot itself. I have been trying to help myself today by staying busy and reminding myself that the whole experience will be about 3 minutes long. Sure, confronting the needle will not be fun, but I know it will be over faster then it takes for me to get all riled up. The good news, too, is we are getting the shots at my work so I have extra incentive to not be such a complete wuss. I'll play it cool and then go outside and faint I am sure.

Wish me luck, and GO DEMOCRATS!

Why I love and hate Halloween

2006-10-31T15:30:00.000-06:00

Today is Halloween and I have no plans. My wife and I own a house in a cul de sac that is both incredibly dark and very much off the beaten path. As such, we don't get any trick-or-treaters. What's more, we don't know many people still in St. Louis and so we don't go to Halloween parties and we don't go out to the bars, etc. As such, we don't really get anything out of Halloween.

In some respects this is a good thing because I don't personally love Halloween. Growing up, I never had a cool costume. In fact, from roughly first through eighth grade, I was told to go grab old clothes out of the attic and go to school dressed as a hobo. So while other kids had cool He-Man costumes or Superman or whatever, I was a kid wearing old clothes that were too big for me. I actually still remember going to school as a hobo one year only to have the pin holding my pants up pop. I had to spend the rest of the day holding up these huge size 32 pants on my size 10 frame. This was about 3rd grade I think. So Halloween has never been good for me and I am fine with that.

At the same time, though, Halloween has progressed into quite an interesting holiday for men with regard to women. It seems that the best way to make "old" costumes new again is to put the word "naughty" in front of everything, use less clothing material, and add in thigh high stockings. So now instead of being "Dorothy" from the Wizard of Oz, you get the "Naughty Dorothy" with a half-inch skirt, white stockings, and a white shirt with 2 buttons. Instead of a witch you get a naughty witch, etc.

Now, before I get accused of being a pig, let me say if you are a woman and are offended by this, then I am on your side. It does seem offensive, especially in the 21st Century. At the same time, though....DAMN! It's like every 15-year-old fantasy I have ever had is suddenly on parade. I mean, at what other time could you go to a bar and see a catholic school girl, naughty nurse, red-hot cop, etc. all in one room ON PURPOSE??? If only someone would be smart enough to invent the "naughty Princess Lea" costume from Star Wars!

So Halloween is still not great, but it's gaining ground. Candy for the stomach was already a pretty strong case. But now eye candy as well! Definitely it's gaining ground.

I bleed red and blue

2006-10-31T15:02:00.000-06:00

I would imagine most people are surprised and perhaps even saddened to find nary a post to date about the amazing World Series run and eventual championship put on the board by the Cardinals. My apologies. I have been too busy watching to put into words my thoughts and feelings on this blog.

I suppose I should start off by saying I am a big-time sports nut, and since moving to St. Louis in 2003 I have fallen in love with the baseball Cardinals. To St. Louisans, the Cardinals ARE St. Louis- the team is ingrained into the fiber of this fair city. You really are not a true citizen of St. Louis unless you root for the Cards. So it's easy to fall in love with the Cardinals here. I didn't need much prodding.

With that said, I will admit that it is difficult for me to write about what the last month has been like for me. How do you describe to someone the feeling that comes with investing so much time and energy into something, and then to have that time and energy rewarded in the most gut-wrenchingly wonderful way imaginable? Normally, you "root, root, root" for the home team to the tune of 162 games, only to have your rooting thwarted by some other team and its fans who advance to the post-season. But for St. Louis, our team actually made it into the playoffs, so the rooting continued.

From day 1 the Cardinals were considered the worst team in the playoffs. Most of the experts figured we would be lucky to win one game against the Padres in the first round. With those expectations in mind, I cheered as we won the first 2 in San Diego. And when my buddy and I went to game 4 here in St. Louis, we went crazy as the Cards sealed the deal and took the series to advance to the NLCS.

Against the Mets, though, we were again told by the experts that we hadn't a prayer. The Mets line-up was too powerful, and our pitching wasn't that great. What's worse, we had just pitched Carpenter in the last game of the NLDS so our rotation couldn't line up as we would have hoped. And yet, as game 1 approached, you could feel something magical brewing in St. Louis. After 2 years in which our team won 100+ games during the regular season and we were expected to compete for and perhaps win the World Series only to fail both times, this 2006 team was the underdog. And the moniker and low expectations suited us just fine.

I was there for games 3-5 in St. Louis. I watched as Suppan shut down the Mets in game 3, as Reyes got torched and we lost game 4, and as the "Dream" Weaver lifted the team back up in game 5. Watching game 7 at home - one of the two greatest games I have ever seen (the other being game 6 of the 2002 World Series between the Angels and the Giants) - and seeing Rolen's homerun brought back by Endy Chavez and then Molina hitting his blast in the 9th....it was unreal. And then for Wainwright to strike out Cardinals killer Carlos Beltran...man, the goose bumps are out just typing it.

And then finally the World Series and the epic ride to the championship. All along, as a fan, I am pouring my heart and soul and energy and passion and TIME into this team. I am going with friends to the home games, and watching the away games on the big screen at home; I am wearing my red stocking cap and gloves in the house because I think they are lucky (and they are, for the record); I am watching post-game press conferences; I am having a hard time concentrating at work; and I am fighting those "negative" demons after every loss.

And then to have all that work itself out in the most positive way possible; for all that energy to be rewarded with a World Series championship! Again, it is almost too much to describe.

So I apologize because I probably could have written more at the time, and it probably would have been better, but it was difficult to describe and in some ways still is. Bottom line is I will be happy until at least April 1 and the start of the 2007 season!

Another one enters the world

2006-10-17T11:32:00.000-05:00

Our good friends Phil and April welcomed their new baby boy to the world yesterday. She was a bit overdue and the baby was so big they had to schedule a c-section. But everything turned out OK and mom and dad and baby are fine. We saw them last night at the hospital and got our first look at what life has in store for us, God willing, in a few months. From a practical standpoint, it sounds like their experience at the hospital was good, which is good news for us since we will be using the same hospital. Sounds like nurses are friendly and the experience good. Was also nice to see that birth can and does, in fact, happen, even to friends of ours! From all the videos we have seen I can sometimes feel like babies are something that happens to other people. But all went well with our friends and that is a comfort.

Also was a good reminder for me that my wife is actually pregnant and we, too, have a baby coming. I've been terribly distracted by life lately thanks to the Cardinals and their run through the MLB post-season. I am one of those fans who paints his face red and tried to go to or watch every single second of the game. I suppose that's not too bad, but I am also one of those fans who reads and posts on message boards during the series; one of those fans who skips out of church functions to go to a game; one of those fans who can get melancholy after a loss and be tough to be around; one of those fans who screams at the TV and yells at the manager for making a mistake.

I know it's weird for my wife who likely is very much used to the husband who is even-keel and middle-of-the-road on most things. "Spilled coffee on the rug? Oh well." "Burned the house down? That stinks." "Isringhausen blew a save in the 9th? I will KILL HIM!" What can I say? A friend of my sister taught me a valuable life lesson when I was about 20. She said "everything in moderation - including moderation." And so I am pretty moderate in everything, but I do go crazy about sports. Better that then drugs or pornography I guess.

Having said that, though, I do realize that I have been an absent husband, to say the least, lately, and so I realize I need to do something nice for my wife and remind her that I do still love her and care about her and care about her pregnancy, etc. I'll see what my creative mind can come up with.

Time keeps on tickin', tickin', tickin'....

2006-10-10T16:24:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been going back and forth in my mind with regard to whether or not I am ready for the baby. Sometimes I feel like two months is still a long way away and then there are times when I feel like the time will be here before I know it. I will say I am grateful for what I personally believe is God's work, and that is the closer the time gets, the more calm and prepared I feel for it. I think this is God's work because I think the closer we get to birth day, the more nervous and unprepared Erika feels.

My wife has certainly done a lot more reading and nesting and preparing then I have done, but I am amazed by the fact that I feel ready for the challenge; I feel ready to be supportive; I feel ready to be at home and have Erika tell me what to do; I feel ready to change some diapers and give little Emmy a bath; I feel ready to order my wife to bed for a rest while I do my best to watch the baby; I feel ready to get/make dinner, wash dishes, do laundry, and engage in child raising.

We've pretty much got the nursery done with just a few odds and ends to wrap up. We've got the crib and furniture assembled, and Erika last weekend bought some nice accessories and hung some things on the wall as finishing touches. I think it will be cool one day soon to go buy things like diapers and baby wipes and other such things. I mean, the "cuteness" factor for diapers I figure will last roughly 2 more months. Soon enough they will be absolutely disgusting, but for now it is cool to think about!

A couple nights ago I actually prayed that Emelia would like baseball. I am sure it is because the Cards are in the post-season and I think about baseball a lot right now. When I went to Game 4 here in St. Louis, where the Cards clinched the series and advanced to the NLCS, I spotted several families and it made me think about how cool it would be to be at a game with my daughter and, hopefully, to have her root for her favorite player and be excited if we win and sad if we lose. Of course, she might hate baseball, and that is OK, but I can dream, can't I?

OK, honesty alert--I just re-read that last graph. It really will not be acceptable if Emmy doesn't like baseball! : )

Random Updates

2006-10-03T12:11:00.000-05:00

On the baby front, things are moving along nicely for us so far. We had a baby shower in Illinois last weekend which was very nice for Erika, and I got to go to Buffalo Wild Wings for the first time which was also quite nice. Erika is starting to feel the aches and pains of the baby a bit more, so I am going to fill up the hot tub this weekend so she can soak in it a bit. Erika says if we set the water at 99 she can get in it. I usually have it set at 104 but can lower it for her.

On the sports front, today is the beginning of the baseball post-season and I am, of course, nervous but excited. The Cardinals managed to back their way into it this year and are playing the Padres in San Diego this afternoon. Needless to say, I won't be getting much done at work come 3 p.m. CST when my team takes the field. GO CARDS!

On the job front, nothing new to report. I spoke to my boss more than a month ago about my own status and the status of my department. He's been very receptive so far, but at the same time he has not yet reacted and as such I wonder what he is really thinking. The prrof will be in the pudding soon enough. Continuing to pray about it.

As for my own emotions, I am starting to get more and more excited about lil Emelia Mae, although I do still temper it as we have a few months to go. I know the time will be upon us soon enough. I have been tryiong to research more online about what I can do to be better prepared, especially when it comes to things like packing our bags for the hospital, etc. I'm also reading some more on what "cool" responsibilties I have as the dad with regard to buying my wife a gift, maybe buying a nice bottle of champagne for Erika and I in the hospital, etc. I was thinking the other day that I should get a b-day present for Emmy since it will be, after all, her ACTUAL birth day. Not sure what to do here.

I did buy a new digital camcorder and camera a few days back from Amazon so am excited to receive those items. Got pretty good deals on both and I really think both are essential so that we have pictures and video of Erika pregnant as well as the equipment we need for when Emmy is around. Having plenty of pictures is a gift we'll give to Emmy when she is in her 20s and getting married and having her own kids.

WOW--just found out Marquis made the post-season roster and Reyes got left off....WOW!!!

Talking vs. Doing

2006-09-18T09:43:00.000-05:00

So its been awhile since my last post. Sorry a-BOOT that. My wife and I went to Las Vegas for a week, and then I was back for a week before taking a marketing retreat at my job to the Lake of the Ozarks. So life has been busy.

By way of quick update - Vegas was great! We had a good time laying out in the sun by the lazy river at the MGM Grand and catching up with some old friends of mine. I was only slightly disappointed by the fact that the things I had planned for the trip turned out not to be as great as I was hoping. We had dinner at Delmonicos Steakhouse at the Venetian one night, for example, and it was good but not great. We then caught Phantom and it too was good, but not great. The next night we had dinner at Seablue and caught Ka at the MGM. You guessed it---good, but not great. Ka was actually pretty bad for a Cirque show. See Mystere instead.

Pregnancy is still going well and I am happy to report that the cyst found in our baby's head during the first ultrasound was gone by the second. So that was good. Erika and I also took some birthing/parenting classes for 2 Saturdays and had our eyes opened to what labor and life with baby will be like. I can sum up that experience in a comment I made to Erika on the second Saturday - "We are not having any more kids!" More on this later perhaps.

The purpose for this blog is to relay some thoughts I had while at the Lake. I was supposed to have friends come up to the condo my work owns Friday -Sunday, but unfortunately they all had to bail on me. As such, I spent most of the day Friday alone and reading and contemplating where I was in life and where I might want to go. I considered it a preview for what will likely be my goals for 2007. Considering, though, that the newborn will dramatically alter any sort of plans I think I have for next year, I figured maybe working on things from now - December is probably a good idea.

This morning, though, I am once again struck by the fact that talking about my goals and actively DOING SOMETHING about them are two different beasts. The first is easy enough. The second - well, not so much so. For example, I have been saddened this year by the fact that I have put on about 30-35 extra pounds. As a tall guy, I can get away with a few pounds extra, but not this many. My "one size bigger" pants are now starting to not fit, which is not good. Like most guys, I carry most of this extra weight in my torso. As such, one of my "goals" is to be able to take my shirt off and not be embarrassed by my fat gut and - GASP - the onset on man boobs.

What this means, of course, is that I need to diet and exercise. One day after writing this, though, I am stuffing my face with ice cream and still just thinking about going to the gym. I want to feel better about myself, and I don't even mind the annoyance of having to diet and exercise, but the battle is fought daily and hourly with me and I lose more battles then I win unfortunately.

In fact, as I look over the list of things I wrote (a good and noble list, by the way), I realize that my real life is nothing like this list, and that's got to change. I want to be wiser with my Faith, which means I need to set aside more time for scripture reading and prayer; I want to take up golf and learn to play it better, which means I need to find time to practice, and I need to buy equipment and maybe take lessons. Again, good ideas that are circle pegs in my square life right now.

Every journey begins with a first step I guess. Here's hoping I have the courage and strength to take it.

Vegas, baby!

2006-08-24T16:25:00.000-05:00

I am excited to take Erika and Emilia Mae to Vegas this weekend for some rest and MUCH needed relaxation. I feel kind of bad for stressing the "much" part because Erika and I have already been to Jamaica this year, but I really think all of us take for granted how much we needed R&R.

Erika and I used to go for weekend getaways all the time when were in L.A. We'd take a Friday off and drive out to Palm Springs and spend a day or 2 in the sun relaxing and recharging. Or we'd go to Solvang or San Diego. We used to do this every other month, and sometimes every month. In St. Louis, though, we really don't do many weekend getaways. Instead, we've been trying to take vacation in one-week spurts. Any vacation is nice, of course, but I think I need more of them to stay sane.

So anyway, I am very much excited to be going to Vegas. We've made some great plans for our short time there, but there will also be time to catch some sun and sleep - two necessities for any vacation in my opinion. A very good couple friend of ours is driving in for a day to spend some time with us, and then we've got tickets to see Phantom and Ka. So far, looks like diner one night at Delmonicos and one night at SeaBlue. We're going to a Mexican place Sunday night with our friends at NY NY.

So should be a fun trip! When we get back it will be time to move the computer room to the basement and get the Nursery going. We'll probably try to clean the carpets and paint the walls, and then maybe even buy the crib and try to put it together.

So it will be good to rest and get away, but also then have some time to get stuff done at home. I am really looking forward to it. As Erika will probably attest, I need to get away for awhile.

Shower One is Done

2006-08-21T13:57:00.000-05:00

Erika and I had our first baby shower last weekend back in Iowa with my family. Was nice to spend some time back home, although the trip was too short for our liking. Drove up Saturday and back home Sunday. But woofed down a Godfather's Taco Pizza and a DELICIOUS desert pizza so that by itself makes the trip worthwhile.

I was explaining to Erika how growing up the Taco Pizza from Godfather's was the BIG treat in our house. Godfather's pizza is known for being a bit on the pricey side, but it's one of those places that piles on the toppings and their taco pizza is quite devine. So it's comforting to go back to Iowa and have that treat. It's funny to think back on growing up in small-town Iowa and to ponder what life was like back then. For me, a "treat" was Godfather's Pizza or a Dairy Queen blizzard or Doritos. And they really were special treats as we only got them once a year--maybe. Probably explains why my heart beats a bit faster when we pass a DQ today.

It got me to wondering what kind of things will be a treat to little Emilia Mae as she grows up. More importantly, it reminded me of the importance of having "treats." I was telling Erika that I think a lot of older parents grew up with very little, and so when they started having kids they wanted them to have everything that they themselves didn't have. In a way, I suppose all parents want to provide a better life to their kids then they had.

But the line between spoiled and disciplined is tenuous at best. For me, I think it will be important for Emmy to grow up with an appreciation for the "simple pleasures." The only way to do this is to say "no" more often than not. I doubt it will be easy, but I hope we can do it.

As for the shower, we got some nice gifts as well as a few gifts we might not have expected from people. So that's nice. We also got a tub of clothes from my sister that will surely come in handy and save us a few bucks. So that was nice. Good to have the first one under our belt!

Maybe the seven dwarves were right

2006-08-18T10:50:00.000-05:00

For the better part of a year - maybe even longer - I have been keeping my ears and eyes open for new job opportunities. I have not been actively shopping my resume around, but I have been "snooping." With little Emilia Mae on the way, and with Erika set to reduce her work hours (less household income), the questions about my career future have come under more focus. I have spoken to my boss at my current job about career growth, and I am awaiting some feedback from him on the subject next month.

On a much larger scale, though, I have been thinking a lot lately about work in general. What is the purpose of work? Should we all wake up every day excited about doing whatever we do like Oprah? Or is work just a necessary evil - a means to an end (I need money to pay my bills, therefore I work)? On the one hand, I feel like if I have to spend eight hours a day doing something, it might as well be something I enjoy. On the other hand, though, even if I do something I enjoy I still don't want to spend more than eight hours a day doing it. In other words, I enjoy NOT working - being home with my wife, spending time with friends, taking vacation, etc.

The serious side of me was thinking about this in the car on my way to work this morning. Am I happy at work? Can I grow in my job and make more money when my wife is no longer working? Would I be happier somewhere else? And then the goofy side of me interrupted this heavy line of questioning by dropping some silver into my mental jukebox and picking out the song "Whistle while you work." For those who don't know me very well, I have a jukebox in my head that contains every song ever written....EVER. It is rare that I wake up without some random song in my head.

Anyway, as the song started playing in my head, I thought for a moment about some of the words: "do your best, then take a rest,"; "put on a grin and start right in,"; "when there's not too much to do, don't let it bother you." As I bridged the gap back into my former questions, I couldn't help but think about the fact that my job does allow me some pretty phenomenal perks. Most days it is a 9-5 job with manageable stress. If I need to go home to meet the gas man or the satellite company I can. If I need to take a week's vacation I can. I have a few laughs with the people here. And when I at home with my wife I can be at home with my wife, without worrying about work or working late or chomping down antacids.

So maybe it is OK not to love your job as long as you don't hate it. More on this later. I have to go to a paid lunch at 1111 Mississippi with people from work to celebrate a guy's upcoming wedding......hmmmmmm....

Real Men Don't Shower

2006-08-14T13:21:00.000-05:00

It's coming up to "shower" time for Erika and I. Got the first one this weekend in Iowa with my family. You know, because nothing says "family love" like everyone showering together! Just kidding.

I am, of course, referring to baby showers. My wife baked bread and bought food for a shower last weekend for our friend April. Turns out that was just a warm-up. We're going to a shower with my family this weekend. Then we'll have a shower with Erika's family in September before having another one with our friends in St. Louis in October. On top of that, we'll likely be attending a few showers for other friend's and family who are pregnant.

I should clarify, though, that by "we" I mean "my wife." Don't get me wrong, I am ALL in favor of the free gifts, especially considering all the things we registered for and all the things we'll need as new parents. But the whole shower phenomenon just is not "guy-like." If I had the equivalent with my guy friends it would be a poker night in front of my big screen in the basement watching football and drinking beer in which baby gifts were encouraged but not opened. And no "thank you" notes. Afterwards, when I did open gifts, I would find one regulation football, two Target gift cards, and a cute pink outfit that my buddy's wife had obviously purchased. Ok, so maybe ONE thank you note!

It's odd for me when I think about this whole new world I am entering called Parenthood. A few weekends ago I found myself scanning strollers and car seats and baby walkie talkies, er "monitors," and all sorts of other "who knew?" items at Babies R Us with my wife. I feel like I am about to enter a whole new world. It's the same feeling people have when they come to our house for the 6th time and realize that there is a half bathroom behind that door they've never opened before. Except in my case the half bathroom is really a door to the Playboy mansion, and even though you think you know what to do and what to expect, nothing compares to the reality.

OK--that was a random analogy, so I'll stop right there.

Baby Talk

2006-08-03T09:47:00.000-05:00

I am happy to report that the realities of having a baby are starting to set in - and in a very jovial way - for me. With roughly four months to go until little Emilia Mae comes into our life, I am starting to talk more openly with friends and family about the birth, and my wife and I are both starting to do more in preparation for baby's arrival. This week I sent e-mail notices to my network of friends and associates, and it was nice to hear back from some old and dear friends. I am also starting to talk more about Emilia at work to my "office friends" here.

I've been very humbled and flattered by the number of people who have mentioned in e-mails that I will be a good father. I am sure for some this is a polite thing to say, but I know from others it is heart-felt and sincere. It's nice to have that reassurance because there are times when I am not sure I am ready for what lies ahead - will I be a good dad? Can I make the adjustments necessary for life with a newborn? Am I cut out for this? These thoughts do not occupy my time, but they creep in every now and again. For the most part, though, I am starting to get more and more excited about the reality of having a baby.

I think the baby will change me in a lot of positive ways. For starters, I know it will be "all about Emilia" when she is born, and that will actually be nice for me as it will force me to be humble again and caring again. It will force me to be less selfish. Suddenly work and commitments and fantasy football (wellll...maybe not fantasy football...) will become less important.

I can remember a time in college when I felt like life was ideal. For the first time I was happy with myself, with who I was and where I was going. This happiness resulted in self confidence - a feeling I had literally never had until then. Being comfortable with myself resulted in genuine friendships with people - where I felt like they knew me for who I was and I could know them for who they were. Suddenly I was less self-conscious. I no longer cared what others thought of me because I felt very comfortable with "me." And I don't just mean that as an "on the surface" comment. I mean deep down I liked who I was. I make the distinction because when you really like who you are, deep down, and for REAL, it actually becomes impossible for anyone to change your own perceptions of yourself. It didn't matter what other people thought of me. I was happy with me.

The result was that, for the first time maybe in my life, I felt like the spotlight wasn't on me. I felt "comfortable." During conversations I could just listen. I didn't have to try to stand out or get my words out. I could focus on getting to know someone else - maybe even help them know themselves better. Having that spotlight off of myself was freeing in so many ways.

Which brings me back to today and the arrival of Emilia Mae. So much in life has happened between college and now that, over time, I have sometimes felt "lost" with myself. Am I in the right career? Where does God and my faith life fit in? Am I being a good husband to my wife? Will I be a good father? Suddenly the spotlight was back on me, and I felt like I did in high school. Unsure of myself, clumsy, awkward, worried about what others were thinking or what they were going to say, worried about what life had in store for me. I was reverting and struggling with some old and hurtful feelings.

Slowly but surely, though, I am coming to terms with them. Slowly but surely I am finding myself again. Thinking about Emilia and knowing what sort of man and father I need to be for her has started getting me back into my college "zone," and I feel less worried about all the questions mentioned above. You can probably predict the pattern. Less worry results in a renewed sense of security and strength. With renewed strength comes confidence. And so on and so forth. I feel confident that the next four months will bring about internal "re-awakening" and maybe even renewal for me. Suddenly the spotlight will be off me and onto my daughter. God willing, she will grow up knowing her father for the man he really is. God willing, I can help her learn who God wants her to be, and to grow up with a real sense of self that will not be as easily torn apart and lead astray as mine was.

So hooray for Emilia Mae. And hooray for me!

Today should be a holiday

2006-07-31T12:21:00.000-05:00

I almost feel bad for coming to work today. I have some things to do, but I find myself "distracted" by the fact that today is the non-waiver trading deadline in Major League Baseball. As such, I am literally monitoring about a dozen web sites to see if my beloved Cardinals will pull off the big trade for a bat or an arm that will take us to the World Series. So far, not much is happening. The Reds made some improvements for their bullpen via trade. Of course, the Yanks pulled off the Abreu deal yesterday. We'll see if that's enough to get them the wild card or the AL East.

In other news, I have a pretty big conversation coming up with my boss tomorrow. My wife and I have decided that she will stay at home come December when Emilia is born. I really think this is a good decision for us and our family, but it doesn't come without some internal concerns for me, especially with regard to finances. So in an effort to get a better sense for where my career is going at my current job, I am going to sit down with my boss tomorrow and see if he can shed some light on my future. We'll see how the conversation goes. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Erika and I are sorting through the chaos and confusion that surrounds a first child, and I think we are managing OK. We are closing in on a crib and furniture, and have some good plans in place for the Nursery. It can sometimes be overwhelming for us to try to manage what all we need for the baby and what all those things cost, but we are plowing through it as best we can.

Finally, I wanted to write about the fact that I am trying to motivate myself for a workout regimen. I need to lose about 30 pounds, and I would like to start lifting weights and gaining some muscle. I very much want to get into this, but it is difficult to find the time for it and to maintain the "balance" that is so critical in life. I want to spend time with my wife and friends, and I also need to work everyday. I also don't mind getting some sleep. But I am going to try to stuff another 30-45 minutes into the schedule for a workout. I'll keep writing about it and maybe that will motivate me. Or maybe hold me accountable. I'll keep you posted.

Go Cards!

My First Blog

2006-07-25T16:20:00.000-05:00

OK--so if my wife can blog I figure I can as well. I think I have been holding off on the whole blog "thing" thinking that I had to have something extremely important or impactful to say. But you know what? I don't have anything extremely important or impactful to say today, so instead I will just settle for blogging about things unimportant and unimpactful. Now, that's not to say I won't have something important to say later. But today is just another day.

So here's who I am--I am 32 years old and living in the Gateway to the West - St. Louis. Moved here from Los Angeles with my wife in 2003. I was born and raised in Iowa, though, so I am a Midwestern boy by heart. I work in the public relations industry.

My wife and I are expecting our first child in December which is both exciting and nerve-wracking at once. We found out last week it is a girl. As of today, we like the name Emilia. Now, as an Iowan, it is important for you to understand that this name is NOT Amelia, pronounced with an "A", but Emilia. Think of the word "bet," and the sound you make there with the "e" is the sound you should make when you pronounce the name. I know, not a big deal. Perhaps now is a good time to mention that I was an English major, though. Words are important to me.

I'll wax philosophical on bringing life into the world later, but for now this is blog #1. More and better to come.